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September 19 2011

13:00

14 Ways you can be Sure you’ve Married a Geek

Everyone knows that when you get married, your life changes. When Jeffrey and I recently tied the knot, we were advised by the older and wiser that the first year of marriage is the hardest. But so far, it has been fantastic. Don’t get me wrong; just because married life is proving to be bliss does not mean there haven’t been any of those aforementioned changes. Recently, I realized that the “married life changes” that I am adjusting to are all coincidentally related to the fact that Jeffrey is a web developer, a.k.a Geek.

So I’ve put together a list of the major changes that have surprised and humored me the most. Developers: this one is for your spouses, not you.


1 - I Actually Know What a Web Dev is

I always assumed a web developer was some person who worked on computers and sometimes made pretty web pages. Simple. End of story. I don’t think Jeffrey would have consented to marrying me if I didn’t get it all straightened out. I am proud to say that I now have a mild understanding of Ruby, jQuery and PHP. Oh, and there IS a difference between Flash and JavaScript. That’s a big one.

Editor/Jeffrey’s Note: Sweet pea – not “Flash and JavaScript” … “Java and JavaScript.” Close though!


2 - Sunblock and Aspirin are a Must

Much like vampires, web developers, too, can burst into flames when in direct sunlight.

SunscreenMuch like vampires, web developers, too, can burst into flames when in direct sunlight. Instead of dealing with a burned husband who refuses to leave the safety of his dark, cozy computer lair, I keep a bottle of SPF 70 handy. As for the aspirin? Geeks, especially web dev geeks, spend 75% of their lives looking at screens. Ironically, to take a break from one screen, they often simply migrate to another. My husband will spend the afternoon working on the computer only to suggest we see that new Pixar movie at the cinema later that evening. Screen headaches are bound to happen to even the best of them.


3 - The Bed is a Hub for All Electronics

I think we all remember the great wine spill of 2010.

Somehow, our bed has turned into the charging station for all laptops and portables. The old charging area has now been deemed by my husband as too dangerous. (I think we all remember the great wine spill of 2010.) But, this new bed setup has lead me to have two major phobias. One fear is that I’ll be strangled in my sleep by a laptop charger. There is also the anxiety that, while sleeping, I’ll knock Jeff’s computer or the iPad off the bed and onto the hard floor, smashing it into pieces. Any more gadgets added to the king size charging zone and I may develop a complex.


4 - I Don’t Dress Up to Get his Attention

Rocko Modern LifeWhen we first began dating, I wore sexy little outfits and flirty dresses. Now I find that, if I am surfing for compliments or affection, all I have to wear is a geeky shirt.

I got the hint when he would see a nerdy, retro shirt and immediately purchase it for me. I’ve forgotten how uncomfortable stilettos can be. If I think his computer is getting too much face time, I just slip into a Super Mario, Rocko’s Modern Life, or Star Trek shirt to redirect his priorities (All “presents” from him; note the quotations.)


5 - Back-up Plans A, B, and C are a Necessity

Screenflow

You see, dinner and movie times are dependent on pending export, download and upload times. Too many nights, we have changed dinner locations or seen a different movie because some file is not exporting fast enough.

The most overused phrase is, “Just one more minute and then we can go.”

I am no longer fooled by him. It is never only one more minute. Back up plans are a necessary evil.


6 – I Don’t Care if he Hits on Other Girls

Mass Effect 2

Now before you go and get the wrong idea, we are not swingers. There is a catch.

I don’t care if he hits on other girls…just as long as they are digital.

I love cuddling up on the couch with some popcorn and watching Jeffrey play Fallout, Fable or Mass Effect. It is like watching an action movie or a soap opera, but I get to pick what the main character says, who he kills and who he tries to get into bed with. What fun! I was particularly angry when he messed up his relationships with both the British chick and the blue alien chick in Mass Effect.

Editor/Jeffrey’s Note: Yes, Mass Effect folks; I ended up with the bald chick. It’s not like I wanted it to turn out that way!


7 - That Damn White Space

Whitespace

Whenever I find a new piece of furniture or hang some art on the wall, I am constantly reminded about how I need to be mindful of “white space.” Apparently dabbling in web design makes you an expert in how to properly decorate a house. Bah!

Editor/Jeffrey’s Note: Thanks for using the word, “dabble.”


8 - All Gifts are High Tech

IronWhat I really wanted for Christmas was a good, simple flat iron. What I got was a high tech monster! Sure, it was a hair straightener; but this thing was stainless steel, digital, and, with the right calculations, could contact a space station. I am terrified to let him pick me up any feminine products for fear of what he might bring home. Perhaps the original iPad?


9 - My House is an Enchanted Forest

Twitter

[...] It is the sound of various media alerts.

Let me clarify. My house sounds like an enchanted forest. From the moment I wake up, all I hear is the sound of trills, chirps and whistles. But unlike a Disney princess, I am not greeted by animated birds, woodland creatures or fairies. It is the sound of various media alerts from Twitter, Facebook, Email, and Yammer that wake me up and fill my home with magic. Even better, the alerts are duplicated across his laptop and phone. Yay!


10 - DVDs are Restricted

DVDsI’ve had to listen to Jeffrey’s predictions about the demise of video rental stores for years, and his criticisms of Blockbuster’s business decisions. Now he has eradicated all DVDs from our home and is forcing me to appreciate exactly how we are able to watch our TV shows and movies. For example, I am required to ooh and aww when the movie we are watching is streaming across our 50mbps local network, into our Mac Mini media center…all without an ounce of buffering.

Editor/Jeffrey’s Note: I wasn’t making “predictions” about Blockbuster years ago. I was reciting events that hadn’t yet taken place. Prophecy…or pre-facts.


11 - 8-Bit Music

Super Metroid

Somehow, video game music is on my iPod. Do you know how weird (at times, embarrassing) it is to be listening to Katy Perry one moment and then the music from Super Metroid begins to play? I’ve almost driven off the road before when the Star Wars Imperial March started blasting out of my speakers!

Editor/Jeffrey’s Note: Super Metroid is the greatest game ever made. You should have thanked me for being nice enough to put that game’s soundtrack on your iPod.


12 - “You Gotta Have Rules”

“Please get off your phone,” is a common phrase.

“Please get off your phone,” is a common phrase, and we don’t even have kids yet. I have to enforce the “no technology” rule on date night and at the dinner table. I know it is work related, but it is necessary for you web devs to take a break from phones and computers on nights out and weekends. I am not above confiscating his phone and hiding it in my massive purse where he could never find it.


13 - Knock Knock Knock, Penny!

I know now why I find The Big Bang Theory such a fun show to watch. It closely parallels my own life. Like Penny, I’ve had to navigate my way through the geek world. The other day, I patiently listened as my husband described a whole episode of STNG (Star Trek: The Next Generation, for the non-geeks among you), and how the crew encountered a temporal anomaly (they sure do encounter a lot of those on that show). When he goes on these tangents, I often think, “What would Penny do?”

Editor/Jeffrey’s Note: Okay – firstly, it was a 30 second story of the episode; hardly a tangent. Secondly, it’s a kick butt episode that you still haven’t watched yet. (It’s the one where the crew keeps repeating the same period of time, ultimately blowing up the ship each iteration.)


14 - Resistance is Futile.

Borg Queen

I have been assimilated. I am now a geek, too.


February 03 2011

14:08

13 Perfect Valentine Day Gifts For Your Beloved Geek: Him&Her

Valentine’s day is coming and I know why you’re here. Either you were sent here by a tweet, search engine, or a frequent visitor, one reason stands among the rest: you are here to see some of the best, and affordable, gifts for your partner!

I must say as early as now that what I’ve listed mostly are for geeks or technology-inclined individuals. Inside you will see stones with engravings, sculpted trees, heart-shaped USB drive and other cute things that even you would want for yourself.

Read on!

Sculpted Jewelry Tree –  $69.95

Jeweltree

Elegant? Yes. Lovely gift? Yes. Although as a pre-requisite you should also buy her tons of rings and necklaces and other jewelries.

Clear Crystal Heart USB Drive 2GB –  $19.99

Usbdrive

Product Description:

4GB USB Drive with beautiful clear crystal heart on 26 inch chain. Clear Crystal half has magnetic clasp for additional security. Perfect gift for Mother’s Day, Birthday, and Valentine’s Day

Plasma Lightning Heart –  $14.95

Plasmaheart

Product Description:

Dazzling lightning patterns respond to touch and sound. Electric currents are transformed into rays of light that dance around the inside of a handcrafted glass heart. The plasma lightning can also be manipulated by the touch of your fingertips or the vibrations from music and other noise. This unique decoration is a fun addition to parties – place on a stereo speaker and watch the lightning respond to the sound.

Heart Travel Alarm Clock –  $17.50

Heartclock

“What time is it? Oh!” Sweetheart comes to mind. Will it not be sweet to give your partner this? I’d love to have one!

Sony DPF-D810 8-Inch SVGA LCD (4:3) Digital Photo Frame (Black) –  $79.99

Digiframe

Product Description:

Beautifully display your favorite pictures at home with the easy-to-use 8″1 LED backlit digital photo frame. Enjoy your photos as single images or as a slideshow using a variety of transition effects. For added convenience, you can even view a clock or calendar along with your pictures.

Geek Love Poem T-shirt – $15.99

Loveshirt

Product Description:

The Bard’s got nuthin on us. The eloquence of a few lines of verse can be a powerful thing. Poetry can cause you to pause and think about life. It can incite feelings of rage. A good poem can even bring you to tears. We’re not sure where this one lies in the spectrum of emotional reactions, but we’re thinking somewhere between a chuckle and a look of heartfelt confusion. This shirt, designed by ThinkGeek Love Labs® makes an especially good gift to one you love or love to confuse, depending on their knowledge of hex and Internet lore. roses are #FF0000 violets are #0000FF all my base are belong to you Also available in a Ladies Babydoll version! 100% cotton t-shirt in our favorite color, black. Heavyweight, preshrunk cotton tee with the lovely poem above printed on the front in white, blue, and red.

Rovio Angry Birds 5 –  $79.99

Angrybirds

Product Description:

Based on the #1 mobile game in the Apple App Store with more than 11 million downloads, these adorable 5″ plush figures are officially licensed and manufactured by Commowealth Toys. Angry Birds is a puzzle video game developed by Finland-based Rovio Mobile, in which players use a slingshot to launch birds at pigs stationed on or within various structures, with the intent of destroying all the pigs on the playfield.

8-Bit Tie by ThinkGeek (Classic Blue) –  $14.99

8bit

Product Description:

Silk-like Microfiber construction, clip on* (for easy dressing and t-shirt wear if needed), and custom designed by us for you. You’ll be the envy of the office or, at least, you’ll get tons of attention. You’ll be just like Mario when he wore a tie to meetings when negotiating his contact with Nintendo. Sure the Wii, PS3, and Xbox 360 are out there with all their super technology, but sometimes it’s nice to remember the beginnings of the video game revolution. Viva la 8-Bit!

BoldLoft Pillows –  $36.00

Lovepillow

Product Description:

Let your pillow talk be your pillow talk with these “Say I Love You” pillowcases. Whether you are together or a distance apart, they are perfect for reminding you both to say I love you each and every night and each and every day.

Reasons I love You Stones –  $29.95

Lovestones

Product Description:

The reasons are infinite, and now nine of them are etched in stone. One side of each brushed-nickel token says “I love you” and the other bears a compelling reason, from “because you’re an inspiration” to “because I just do!” and “for always getting my jokes.” Comes in a red faux-suede pouch. Stones: approx. 1 3/8″L. Exclusively from RedEnvelope.

My Beating Heart –  $34.99

Beatheart

Product Description:

When hugging My Beating Heart, the physical heartbeat may remind you of hugging a purring pet or loved one. Hold the Heart a moment and you’ll begin to sense your own heartbeat slowly syncing with My Beating Heart’s carefully designed rhythm.

A Girl’s Guide to Dating a Geek –  $14.79

Bookguide

Product Description:

Are you dating a geek? Find out just how geeky he is in The Geek Test. Learn how to cope with his geekiness in sections such as: “Getting What You Want” and “How to Exercise Your Geek.” Also, discover how to plot revenge, diagnose common geek ailments, and find the perfect gift for your geek. Take a deeper look into the world of geeks with My Life Among the überGeeks and My Life Among the Gamers. Read case studies, examine graphs, peruse the Geek Dictionary, and more in: A Girl’s Guide to Dating a Geek.

Aroma Home Screen Wipe, Gorilla –  $14.00

Gorilla

Product Description:

Fun screen wipes with a chamois tummy will clean and reduce static on computer monitors, laptops and lcd screens. has a zest of lemon fragrance which improves mental clarify and focus.

Don’t forget to share your gift ideas for other readers to see. Have a happy Valentine’s, good luck!

November 12 2007

22:42
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